Ritual and Routines
The hidden power of rituals in shaping our identity
Rituals are integral to human life, shaping our identities, social connections, and sense of belonging. From the mundane of our morning coffee routine to the profoundness of our wedding ceremonies or religious rites, rituals provide a framework for how we engage with the world. Yet, we often overlook the power these repeated actions have in constructing our sense of self within the systems we navigate.
The significance of rituals extends far beyond mere traditions or habits. They function as powerful mechanisms through which we define ourselves and reinforce our place within broader social structures. Our identities form and evolve through these practiced behaviors, whether we're conscious of their influence or not.
Elements from sociology, psychology, and anthropology demonstrate a fascinating interplay between ritual and identity that reveals itself in countless dimensions of our human experience. Rituals influence how we form our identities, create social belonging, and make meaning of our lives. Like the systems they exist within, rituals shape and reinforce who we are, and sometimes in ways that we are unaware of until we step back to reflect.
Anchors of identity
Psychologists have long recognized the stabilizing effect of rituals on identity. Repeated behaviors provide a sense of continuity and predictability, which is essential for a stable self-concept[i]. Rituals anchor us in time and space, creating a sense of order in the face of uncertainty. This anchoring function becomes particularly significant during periods of transition, such as graduations, funerals, and birthdays, where rituals help us make sense of change and maintain coherence in our evolving identities. For example, the ceremony of graduation marks not just the completion of education but a transformation of self. As such, these ceremonial moments remind us that our identity is not static but continuously shaped by the systems we participate in and the behaviors we repeat with them.
When we lack rituals during major life changes, we often feel adrift, searching for ways to mark the significance of what we're experiencing. Many people create their own rituals in response to this need. Some write letters to commemorate milestones, create personal ceremonies to mark beginnings and endings or establish routines that provide structure when everything else feels in flux. The theory concept of ‘ritual-making’ suggests that intentionally created rituals serve essential psychological functions during transitions and healing processes[ii].
Identity is relational; it's shaped not just by who we think we are but by how we are seen and affirmed by those around us.
From a sociological perspective, rituals reinforce social norms and group identity. Rituals serve as collective expressions of societal values, uniting individuals through shared experiences[iii]. Whether through religious ceremonies, cultural traditions, or even corporate onboarding processes, rituals provide structure to our roles and relationships within various systems. They remind us that identity is relational; it's shaped not just by who we think we are but by how we are seen and affirmed by those around us.
Anthropologists further emphasize how rituals create symbolic meaning, embedding individuals within the broader stories of their communities. These acts reaffirm belonging, reminding us of our place in the social fabric. When we engage in communal rituals like national holidays, family traditions, or local celebrations, we participate in an ongoing narrative of who we are and what we value. This symbolic dimension of ritual doesn't merely express meaning but actively creates it, establishing ‘conventional understandings’ that shape how we interpret our world[iv]. This ongoing reinforcement explains why rituals remain so deeply ingrained, even when individuals or societies undergo significant change.
The practice of becoming
Rituals function as powerful tools in self-definition, leaving their imprint on our identities in subtle and profound ways. Consider the simple act of a morning routine: some of us begin our day with meditation, others of us with an intense workout, and still others with a leisurely cup of coffee or tea. These rituals are not just about physical actions; they reflect deeper beliefs about who we are, whether we value discipline, mindfulness, or relaxation. Over time, these behaviors accumulate, reinforcing our self-perception and shaping how others view us.
Our identity markers often reveal themselves most clearly when disrupted. The discomfort we feel when unable to perform our usual routines speaks to how deeply these patterns are woven into our sense of self. Consider a runner prevented from running, a writer unable to write, or a social connector isolated from their community; each experiences not just the loss of activity but a temporary destabilization of identity.
Rituals serve as rites of passage, marking significant shifts in personal and social identity[v]. Initiation ceremonies, for example, symbolize the transformation of an individual from one social role to another, such as child to adult or outsider to insider. These rites create psychological and social boundaries that help individuals integrate into their new identities.
A three-phase model for the transition of rituals is the foundation for our thinking about rituals: separation (detachment from previous social status), liminality (an ambiguous state between identities), and reincorporation (re-entry into society with new status)[vi]. This framework helps explain why significant life transitions without proper ritual acknowledgment often feel incomplete or unresolved. Sometimes, we remain stuck in liminality, neither fully separated from our old identity nor fully incorporated into a new one.
The absence of these markers of transition in modern society often leads to a sense of disorientation as individuals struggle to define themselves during major life transitions. This explains why we see people creating new rituals to mark transitions that lack traditional ceremonies. Among the more common of these new rituals are gender revel parties for pregnant parents, divorce parties that acknowledge the end of a marriage, and personal rituals that mark recovery milestones or career changes.
Even in professional and institutional contexts, rituals solidify roles and expectations. The way we dress for work, the language we use in professional settings, and the social rituals of networking events all reinforce our roles and identities within the workplace system. By participating in these rituals, we signal belonging and reinforce our professional personas. Think of this as a ‘presentation of self,’ where individuals engage in performances that establish their identity in specific social contexts[vii].
These performances often depend heavily on ritual behaviors that signal one's role and status. And while we sometimes see these ego-driven performances, they may be driven more by our need to have rituals. Such seemingly small but consistent behaviors define how we are perceived and, over time, influence how we perceive ourselves. The ritual of preparing for a presentation, the ceremony of a promotion announcement, and the tradition of Friday team lunches all contribute to a narrative of professional identity that extends beyond the actual work performed.
Invisible patterns of connection
Not all rituals are formal or ceremonial; many emerge organically in everyday life, forming the invisible architecture of our social worlds. These informal rituals often carry as much weight in identity formation as their more structured counterparts, perhaps more so because of their frequency and integration into daily existence.
Consider the small but significant rituals of friendship. Inside jokes that reference shared history, the pattern of who texts first, or the special meal you always order at your favorite restaurant. These repeated actions reinforce social bonds and create a sense of continuity in relationships. They remind us that connections are sustained not just by grand gestures but by the small, consistent ways we show up for each other.
The absence of these rituals often signals the fading of connection. When the regular coffee date stops happening, when the birthday acknowledgment is forgotten, and when the shared language no longer flows, these are not merely missed activities but disruptions in the fabric of the relationship that helped define who we are to each other.
Rituals remind us that connections are sustained not just by grand gestures but by the small, consistent ways we show up for each other.
In intimate relationships, couples often develop unique rituals that define their connection—a certain way of saying goodnight, a shared playlist for road trips, or a ritualized approach to resolving conflict. These small acts serve as affirmations of commitment and mutual understanding, reinforcing a shared identity. Without these rituals, relationships often feel adrift or disconnected and often lack the structure that helps to create an individual of stability and belonging.
Relationship therapists often prescribe ritual-making as an intervention for struggling couples, recognizing that shared practices create pathways for reconnection when emotional bonds feel tenuous. In fact, some suggest that the deliberate creation of new rituals, a weekly date night or a daily moment of appreciation for example, can rebuild identity connections that have frayed through neglect or conflict[viii].
Even seemingly impersonal rituals, like how we interact with technology, shape our self-concept. Curating our social media profiles, checking notifications, or engaging in digital communities all contribute to how we see ourselves and present our identities to the world. These digital rituals serve as new forms of storytelling, allowing us to craft and reinforce narratives about who we are, even as they also invite others to validate or challenge those identities. While digital platforms can offer us great opportunities for ritual creation and identity exploration, they also present unique challenges.
Rituals are inherently about power and the construction of authority, which may offer insight into how digital platforms shape our identities through their ritual structures[ix]. Our online personas, sustained through ritual interactions, sometimes diverge from our lived experience, creating tension between different aspects of self. The ritual of posting vacation photos, sharing political views, or participating in viral challenges all contribute to an ongoing narrative of identity that exists alongside, sometimes in harmony with, sometimes in contradiction to, our offline selves.
Rituals as catalysts for change
Beyond reinforcing existing identity, rituals can be powerful catalysts for transformation. When we seek to change aspects of ourselves or our lives, we often instinctively turn to ritual as the vehicle for that transformation. It seems that our personal growth frequently begins with adopting new rituals like a commitment to journaling, engaging in therapy, or practicing gratitude. These deliberate changes in behavior gradually reshape our identities, aligning us with the values we aspire to embody. The rituals of self-improvement are not just about behavior modification but about rewriting the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we are capable of becoming.
Consider the recovering addict who attends daily meetings, the aspiring writer who commits to morning pages, or the person seeking emotional balance who establishes a meditation practice. Each of these rituals serves as both a practical tool for change and a symbolic affirmation of emerging identity. "I am becoming someone who does this," they seem to say with each repetition. Spiritual and mindfulness practices also illustrate this transformative quality well. Whether through prayer, meditation, or communal worship, spiritual rituals provide a space for self-reflection and inner growth. They allow individuals to connect with something greater than themselves while reinforcing personal and communal identity. The subjunctive world created by ritual becomes an ‘as if’ space where transformation becomes possible precisely because ritual creates alternative ways of experiencing reality[x].
In a liminal space, change becomes possible precisely because it temporarily suspends ordinary reality, allowing us to practice new ways of being before fully integrating them into our identity.
The power of ritual to transform lies partly in its ability to create what anthropologists call ‘liminal space’ (a threshold between who we were and who we are becoming). In this space, change becomes possible precisely because ritual temporarily suspends ordinary reality, allowing us to practice new ways of being before fully integrating them into our identity. Researchers see this liminality as crucial to transformation and suggest that the heightened sense of community often experienced in a shared ritual may be critical to facilitating personal and collective transformation[xi].
In times of personal crisis or change, we often turn to rituals for grounding. Lighting a candle for a lost loved one, engaging in repetitive physical activities like running, or participating in support group meetings can provide emotional stability and a sense of control in uncertain times. These acts transform pain into meaning, helping individuals navigate loss and transition with a sense of ritualized purpose. The healing power of ritual in grief and trauma cannot be overstated.
When words fail to capture the magnitude of loss or pain, ritual provides an embodied language for processing emotion. The Japanese practice of misogi (ritual purification through cold water immersion) offers a physical metaphor for emotional cleansing. Similarly, trauma survivors often create personal rituals that help reclaim agency and restore a sense of safety in the world. Intentionally created healing rituals can transform "frozen narratives" of trauma into pathways for resilience and renewed identity[xii].
Our rituals reveal our values, connect us to our communities, anchor us during transitions, and provide pathways for transformation. They function simultaneously as mirrors reflecting who we are and as tools for becoming who we wish to be. In a world where identities are increasingly fluid and traditional structures often fragmented, the power of ritual to create meaning and coherence becomes ever more significant. By developing a more conscious relationship with the rituals that shape our lives, we reclaim our agency in the ongoing project of identity formation within our systems.
Reflections on the Journey
In my life, I recognize both the power and potential of rituals to help me evolve. Some rituals have been grounding, offering stability and connection, while others have felt constraining, reinforcing roles I no longer identify with. The morning ritual of checking my email before I even fully awake once felt necessary but gradually became a burden that shaped my relationship with work in unhealthy ways. The ritual of a Sunday dinner with family has revolved throughout my life from ‘something I did’ as a child to obligation as a teenager and young adult to a cherished connection with my people, as both I and my relationship with those around the table transformed.
These personal experiences have taught me that rituals are not just behaviors; they are reflections of the identities we construct and choose to maintain. Each time we engage in ritual, whether consciously chosen or unconsciously adopted, we reinforce certain aspects of self while potentially diminishing others.
The key, I believe, is intentionality. By consciously engaging in rituals that align with who we are becoming rather than who we once were, we reclaim agency over our identity. Recognizing that rituals shape us, we also gain the power to reshape them to serve our growth rather than confining us to outdated roles. Catherine Bell argues that this conscious engagement with ritual is itself a form of power, as we negotiate between inherited structures, like family systems, and personal agency in shaping our ritualized behaviors[xiii]. I think this is true, and I see it in my own life.
This process of ritual examination isn't always comfortable. Questioning habitual behaviors often means confronting the identities and relationships built upon them. A conversation with a friend yesterday reminded me of the times when I prioritized work over family and how I had to confront how much of my identity rested on professional achievement. I’ve also had to examine other areas of my life, like family holiday traditions. In doing so, I have identified the tensions between inherited values and evolving beliefs, and I struggle with this in the context of my identity and who I am within the context of the family system.
Yet this discomfort holds potential for profound growth. By examining which rituals truly serve us and which simply constrain us, we begin the work of intentional identity formation. We move from being passive participants in systems that shape us to active creators of practices that reflect our deepest values. This tension, then, serves as the balance between authentic self-expression and the structured systems and practices that shape community and identity.
As you think about rituals in your life, I invite you to consider exploring these questions:
What daily rituals shape your sense of self? Are they intentional or inherited?
Are there rituals in your life that feel outdated or limiting?
What new rituals could help you embody the identity you are striving toward?
How do the rituals of the communities you belong to shape your identity and sense of belonging?
Which rituals connect you most deeply to your core values?
Rituals are not just habits; they are mirrors of our values, our identities, and our relationships with the world. When we engage with them consciously, they become powerful tools for both self-definition and transformation.
In a world of constant change and disruption, the rituals we inherit and those we create offer a framework for navigating complexity while remaining connected to what matters most. By approaching them with awareness and intention, we harness their power to shape not just who we are but who we are becoming.
[i] Roy F. Baumeister and Kathleen D. Vohs, “The Pursuit of Meaningfulness in Life,” in Handbook of Positive Psychology, ed. C. R. Synder and S. J. Lopez (New York, NY, US: Oxford University Press, 2002), 608–18.
[ii] Evan Imber-Black and Janine Roberts, Rituals for Our Times: Celebrating, Healing, and Changing Our Lives and Our Relationships, First Edition (New York: Harpercollins, 1992).
[iii] Émile Durkheim, The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life, Free Press Paperbacks (New York: Free Press, 1965).
[iv] Roy A. Rappaport, Ritual and Religion in the Making of Humanity, 1st edition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999).
[v] Victor Turner, Roger Abrahams, and Alfred Harris, The Ritual Process: Structure and Anti-Structure, 1st edition (New York: Routledge, 1995).
[vi] Arnold van Gennep, The Rites of Passage, trans. Monika B. Vizedom and Gabrielle L. Caffee, Second Edition (Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press, 2019), https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/R/bo38180827.html.
[vii] Catherine Bell, Ritual Theory, Ritual Practice, 1st edition (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009).Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (New York: Anchor, 1959).
[viii] Imber-Black and Roberts, Rituals for Our Times.
[ix] Catherine Bell, Ritual Theory, Ritual Practice, 1st edition (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009).
[x] Adam B. Seligman et al., Ritual and Its Consequences: An Essay on the Limits of Sincerity, 1st edition (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2008).
[xi] van Gennep, The Rites of Passage; Turner, Abrahams, and Harris, The Ritual Process.
[xii] Imber-Black and Roberts, Rituals for Our Times.
[xiii] Bell, Ritual Theory, Ritual Practice.